The day after the big meeting

Yesterday we met the Team… and for the first time in this process I had a few moments of despair. This overwhelming sense of gloom settled in later in the evening, after things had had time to percolate a bit. I took myself off for a walk down to Big Lake and back to think. And what I realized was creating this new and unexpected cloud was the sudden realization that, in spite of the Team, the love of my family and friends, and all of the support workers, I am really alone at the centre of this challenge.

What drove the point home was when Gail asked the Team about the prognosis. And the only answer that they would commit to was to say, in many different ways, that the Team is simply represents the technology; the final outcome, the healing, the remediation and recuperation rests with the individual.

Gail continues to be frustrated and depressed because there isn’t a lot she can do at this time… she’s not very good at standing on the sidelines and just being there. She elicited a promise from me to let her ‘nurse’ me when the treatments get rolling. That, she says, will give her a sense of purpose and let her feel that she is doing something. And as we all know, I am resistant to that sort of thing… but I will try, for her.

Jennifer and Kimberley both joined us for the meeting, and they both feel so much better about where we’re going. After the meeting, we had a lovely lunch together at Cafe De Ville, and discussed a lot of the options. They seem to have this misguided impression that I will look good in one of those Peruvian beanies, and have resolved to get me one or two. Gawd, but I hate those things and think they look absolutely ridiculous out of the context of the milieu in which they were created.

We have also decided that the four of us will head to Jasper for a weekend later this month before the surgeries and treatments begin. So that’s my next little project, to find a suitable place for the four of us. I’m leaning towards the Jasper Park Lodge… but if I can find a ‘cabin’ for four, I might do that instead.

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