…the reality of mortality creeping closer…

Well, I guess that it really can’t be ignored any longer. We need better maintenance. We’re starting to wear out. The warranties have expired. I’m getting older. Those around me are getting older. As we get older, we start to wear out. And yes, getting sick is just another way of wearing out…

This past year I lost an aunt… the third member of my parents’ generation to move on. Two uncles, and an aunt. We start thinking about, planning about how we’ll deal with it when our parents are gone. But on some level that’s expected. We expect our parents to go before us. Its when our friends, our contemporaries start to falter that uncertainty sets in.

My illness made a lot of the people I know take pause. I never really understood it. In my naivete, it never occurred to me that I could have died from the cancer. Typical. I just didn’t get it.

Somewhere in the time line that chronicles my illness, there was a blip that marked the heart attack of an actor we know. He lived. That was startling. (The attack, not the surviving!)

About ten days ago, another actor/musician/comedian of our acquaintance died of a heart attack at 41 years old.

We have recently learned of another actor who has been diagnosed with lung cancer; we’re told that it is decidedly terminal, though we can’t find anyone who can say anything about it with any technical certainty. I suppose that because we (or at least me!) has been through something similar, I want to be told about it in language with a bit of certainty. You know, one of those ‘it fits in this box’ kinda of discussions. I’m a little disheartened on his behalf because of the fatalism in the conversations I’ve read on line… people have him dead and buried, but haven’t been presenting the backup information. What stage is the cancer at? What have the doctors actually said? Is there any sort of treatment protocol planned?

Okay, so where am I going with this line of thought? ‘Not sure, really.

So the warranties on my generation have now expired. Okay. What now? Maintenance. Good maintenance. Regular checkups. Awareness of changes.

Hmmm… I may have to come back to this post to reframe it a bit. It’s coming off a bit depressed; I’m not being depressed, just thoughtful…

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