As we celebrate Christmas I find that I’m not feeling anywhere near as joyous as I have in past years.  Sure, we’ve done the same things with variations, but the same things nevertheless.  I can’t quite figure out why I don’t feel the joy.  Is it because of the sword that hangs over me?  the dramatic change in how things go forward from here weighs so very heavily on me.  I can no longer travel with impunity; I must now carry huge amounts of medical insurance.  What do I do about retirement?  Is it the the question of when my life will return to normal?  Or is it the overriding need to see my wife back to normal?  Her depression, her trying to be all things to all people, and especially her having to take on the role of chauffeur and driver when the weather is bad?  My greatest fear is that she will give up and not fight for the future we were planning for… 

I’ seem to have become an unhappy person. This is silly.  I have so very little to be unhappy about, and so much to be thrilled about.  Time to find some joy…